Flowers

Oddly enough, the familiar stiff lines on my cheeks from the emotions that have been locked away brings me solace.  Music and wine pull everything else still stuck out into the open. Laying here, weeping quietly incase the kids are still listening, I realize I believe I am gonna be ok.  More than ok.  I have survived much worse.  I've already been through these mental hoops before. I was twenty-two, living in my first apartment by myself.  I had broken off things with a man I thought I was going to marry.  I had moved back to Cincinnati and tried to regain my footing. I hated being alone because I was faced with all the missteps I had made to get me to that spot on my carpet.  The faint smell of cigarette smoke will forever remind me of that moment on my knees when I cried out to Jesus that I was empty.  My bank account was empty.  My heart was empty.  My mind was completely void of ideas on how to continue.  That tiny child had no idea the storms that were about to come.  That gi