The Esther Year
I've come to understand that in my greatest deficits, God is able to overwhelm me with his glory. The majestic ways He's pursued me like a bride, in my times of sorrow and pain, leaves me breathless. The same way He came so humbly into this world that would eventually declare him unworthy by their judgement...He makes his way to those tearful nights when I lay in my bed and tell him one day I'd like to be doted on. He sweetly whispers, "One day is now. Not when you've got it figured out. Not when a man chooses to call you lovely. Now. In your brokenness. I'll take that dirty, tear stained flag you're waiving. You won't need it any longer. This battle's over."
I was chatting with a friend (Latasha Patrick...girlll you wise), and telling her all the sweet ways God has given me everything I've asked. Legit. LEGIT. Things I have never breathed to a soul show up at my door. In my mail. I whisper, "I'm tired. I don't want to finish mowing my lawn. I can't afford to pay someone. God can you have someone do it for me?" I kid you not, still standing there wiping the sweat from my eyes, a man comes over and starts in on my neighbors backyard (I had offered to do her yard too bc she broke her foot). She sends me a text saying her brother decided to surprise her by doing her yard and he was going to finish mine too. I stood there and cried. I didn't care who saw. That is sweet love that presses where it hurts and the pain has no choice but to digress. Latasha explained, "It's like Esther. She had a year of receiving. This is your season to receive. Soak in it. Accept it. It won't always be this season, but enjoy right now. "
The thing is, I love Esther. I somehow missed this part of the story. So I went home and looked it up. Esther 2:9-13. She was given servants and girls and a year of spa and makeup treatments. A choice of whatever clothes and jewelry to wear to meet the king. I'm declaring this the Esther Year (or Season...let's not limit God to 12 months. HA!). The way God takes my whispered wants and creates gifts helps my heart come out from hiding.
But I had a moment where I had to stop and wash my hands of the wonder. A question was given in a book I'm helping write. I had to ask myself, "What if...what if the blessings stop now and never start again. Where would my heart land? Could I still say God was good? I took an embarrassingly long stare at my journal. I had no idea what was going to come from putting my pen to paper. What if the suffering comes back and that's where I stay for the rest of my life? Do I still believe God is good? I sat there, crying, knowing that a life of suffering could only be worse if I had any lingering belief that God wouldn't be sitting in the suffering with me. Yes. Yes I believe God is good. Even when life isn't gifts and laughs and late night texts. For now though, I'm pointing my face towards the sun and enjoying it's blanket that carries me along these days.
So, I'm accepting. I'm receiving. I'm palms up, hands out, head up. Jesus sure knows how to wooo a lady.
I was chatting with a friend (Latasha Patrick...girlll you wise), and telling her all the sweet ways God has given me everything I've asked. Legit. LEGIT. Things I have never breathed to a soul show up at my door. In my mail. I whisper, "I'm tired. I don't want to finish mowing my lawn. I can't afford to pay someone. God can you have someone do it for me?" I kid you not, still standing there wiping the sweat from my eyes, a man comes over and starts in on my neighbors backyard (I had offered to do her yard too bc she broke her foot). She sends me a text saying her brother decided to surprise her by doing her yard and he was going to finish mine too. I stood there and cried. I didn't care who saw. That is sweet love that presses where it hurts and the pain has no choice but to digress. Latasha explained, "It's like Esther. She had a year of receiving. This is your season to receive. Soak in it. Accept it. It won't always be this season, but enjoy right now. "
The thing is, I love Esther. I somehow missed this part of the story. So I went home and looked it up. Esther 2:9-13. She was given servants and girls and a year of spa and makeup treatments. A choice of whatever clothes and jewelry to wear to meet the king. I'm declaring this the Esther Year (or Season...let's not limit God to 12 months. HA!). The way God takes my whispered wants and creates gifts helps my heart come out from hiding.
But I had a moment where I had to stop and wash my hands of the wonder. A question was given in a book I'm helping write. I had to ask myself, "What if...what if the blessings stop now and never start again. Where would my heart land? Could I still say God was good? I took an embarrassingly long stare at my journal. I had no idea what was going to come from putting my pen to paper. What if the suffering comes back and that's where I stay for the rest of my life? Do I still believe God is good? I sat there, crying, knowing that a life of suffering could only be worse if I had any lingering belief that God wouldn't be sitting in the suffering with me. Yes. Yes I believe God is good. Even when life isn't gifts and laughs and late night texts. For now though, I'm pointing my face towards the sun and enjoying it's blanket that carries me along these days.
So, I'm accepting. I'm receiving. I'm palms up, hands out, head up. Jesus sure knows how to wooo a lady.
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